The End is the Beginning

5 Jun

The end is no longer neigh the end is here…The end of yoyo dieting…The end of started and failed exercise plans…The end of not owning my role in being overweight…The end of feeling bad about myself…The end of not wanting pictures of myself…The end of not being able to look good in clothes. …The End.

In my personal story, the end is just the beginning. This is the beginning of the new me…The me that says no to seconds…The me that works out regularly…The me who makes healthy food choices…The me who, God willing, lives to a ripe old age and gets to bounce great-grandkids on my fabulously toned old lady leg.

I have battled my weight since I was nine. That is right my first diet was when I was nine. I have basically tried everything in the book and then some. Twenty-two years of being weight conscience/obsessed/depressed and not having anything to show for it except 300+ pounds is enough!

I hit my rock bottom after I gave birth to the most amazing little girl on the planet last year. With that wonderful life change, something really changed in me. I try to avoid or stage being photographed with my daughter. Not because I don’t love her and or don’t want proof that she and I are 2 peas in a pod, but because I hate myself. There is not much in this world that I truly hate, but there have been times in recent months, that I have hated/loathed myself because of my lack of willpower and sheer laziness.

I have never felt such contempt for myself before this year. I have been unhappy with my weight, but never to this degree. The difference is I have this amazing little person who looks at me with such excitement and love, and I want to give her the best of everything, including the best of me.

Being this overweight and unhealthy is not a good example to her. Not to mention how it limits me as she grows up. The thought of my daughter asking me to play at the water park or ride a roller coaster and me saying no because I am too fat to do so is frankly not acceptable. She deserves so much more than that from her mother. I am committed to giving her more.

As of June 2nd. I began a medically supervised VLCD (Very Low Calorie Diet). It is mostly protein shakes and some non-fried veggies to round out my days. I am hopeful that with this and my commitment to begin some sort of exercise regime, I will be a healthier and happier momma.

I hope some of you follow my journey as an audience is always good motivation to stay on track and to get up when you fall.

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6 Responses to “The End is the Beginning”

  1. Audra bradford June 6, 2012 at 3:02 am #

    I’m so proud of you! You’re an inspiration! It’s such a hard battle to fight, but you can do it! you’re my hero!

    Sincerely,
    A used to be (very) fat girl

    • chirpybleu June 6, 2012 at 11:34 am #

      Thanks so much Audra! Your support and encouragement mean the world to me!

  2. Bret Yount June 7, 2012 at 8:36 pm #

    Awesome, I am so happy for you! I hope you find everything you deserve!

  3. bollychees July 26, 2012 at 6:42 pm #

    Getting started is half the battle! Keep it up!!!

    Thank you too for following our blog. It’s very much appreciated!

    • chirpybleu July 26, 2012 at 9:14 pm #

      Anytime! Thanks for the encouragement!

  4. jess83 December 10, 2012 at 3:53 pm #

    I just found your site and I want to say thank you. When I read your words I felt like it was the voice inside my head. Thank you for so openly sharing your story and motivating others. I can’t wait to follow the rest of your journey!! 🙂

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