My Inner Fat Girl is a @$%#*

7 Jun

ImageIn my blog tagline, I say something like “striving to get my outer self to match my inner self”. That is true with an asterisk.

I think we can all relate to the devil and angel analogy seen so many times.

So picture if you will me with a fat girl on one shoulder and a fit girl on the other shoulder. This is what life feels like to me. Not good versus evil. It is Fat versus Fit. Obviously my fat girl has had her reign long enough.

So far during week one, she has been somewhat quiet. I am sure she is sitting around in her lazy boy with a bag of chips watching with amusement as she once again lets the little fit girl have short lived fun.

Fat girl is so smug right now.

We have done this dance many times before and it is still only week one. She knows that fit girl gets all big headed and excited, but that ultimately she is the boss and will once again be in control again.

She does not believe that her reign is over. What she does not realize is that I am behind fit girl unlike I have ever been before, and that together we are a force not to be messed with. We keep swatting her nasty comments away like we are swatting at a gnat. Right now she is nothing more than a nuisance. She is not chipping away out our determination and confidence.

She is frankly just starting to piss me off.

Anyone who knows me, knows that two very basic concepts motivate me to do something. The first is that I am people pleaser. I like for people to be happy with me and what I do in every aspect of my life. The second is if someone tells me I can’t do something, you bet your sweet tush I am going to show you that I in fact can do it.

When I hear that fat girl voice in my head suggesting that Wavy Lays Ranch chips and ranch dip sounds divine, or that the left over pizza will be gone in seconds just eat it…no one will know, it makes me realize I am and have been my own worst enemy.

I don’t know why it took me so long to realize this is going on in my own head. The only thing I can think of is that I have finally taken the control that fat girl had on me and am not giving her the satisfaction of getting her way.

Do I think she will ever go away?

No I don’t. This battle will be one that is fought the rest of my life. However, the more I assert control over my life and my choices, the less power that fat @$%#* has over me.

I will always have my devil and my angel, my fat girl and my fit girl.

However, I am ready for an new HBIC!

Do you have an inner fat girl or guy? What do you struggle with when it comes to food and exercise?

Share you struggles and your triumphs!

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