Healthy Dose of Fear

20 Jun

I thought once you detoxed…you detoxed,  That was it.  Can there be and is there in my case a round two?  If that is what this is, it is nothing like round 1 which was like a migraine married the flu and had a food poisoning baby.  This detox is just fatigue coupled with…well this video should give you an idea…

I have worked out 3 days straight this week and planned on a fourth tonight.  I was so tired that I conked out for about 30 to 40 minutes tonight and just never felt like I had the huts-pa I have had the past three nights.  I am exhausted tonight.  Then I started killing time on Pinterest while the hubs went for his walk/run.  I was riddled with guilt as I pinned motivating pins about fitness.  So, I drug my tired butt out determined to get myself going.  It was all I had in me to make the loop around my neighborhood 1 time.  It was not pain.  It was exhaustion.  I knew I was pushing too hard and I needed a break.  So I stopped.

No major regrets because I attempted it and got a minimal amount of exertion going before I folded for the night.

This is still week 3 of the diet and week 2 of exercise.  I am not going to make it out every single day.  I am so motivated and determined it is hard to accept that notion.  I am already in the addictive stages of exercise.  I love how I feel drenched in sweat.  I love how my muscles burn and ache from exertion.  I love how much stronger and lighter I feel each day.  So it is scary to let go of a night and say I need a rest.  It feels like I am going to gain weight overnight for losing a little momentum for one day.

This is totally irrational.  The totally logical and rational side of my brain gets that.  There is however that tortured part of my brain that is jacked up by years of yo yo dieting.  I have a little fear in me.  Fear of losing my footing and messing up and not staying focused and determined.  I think this is a healthy dose of fear.  I think this fear, while it needs to work on rationale, is going to help keep me on my toes and  keep me from letting my guard down.  I don’t want to get to comfortable or complacent.  That to me spells danger.  I want to live a little like I have everything to lose, because essentially I do lose a lot if I fail at this last attempt.  I will lose any hope I ever had in myself if I don’t succeed, and that is scary.  But, I do know that I have to not hold myself to an unreasonable standard or I am only guaranting failure.

So with all of that said.  I tried tonight.  It was not in me to do more than I did.  I am not going to dwell on it beyond this post, and I am not going to ruin the whole thing by taking a deserved night to let my body rest.

Phew…Mind clear and ready for a new day!

Talk to me in the comments below!

8 Responses to “Healthy Dose of Fear”

  1. Daniel June 20, 2012 at 11:30 pm #

    You have to have rest in any training schedule. Or at least a light workout day. Are you following a training schedule?

    • chirpybleu June 20, 2012 at 11:36 pm #

      Lol no just flying by the seat of my pants with exercise. I guess I am doing a C25K app that I suppose would count as a training program. However, until I can work up to actually jogging when and for how long I am supposed to, I am staying on day one.
      I get that resting is normal and needed. I just have to train my mind too along with my body. :). I am open to suggestions for training programs.

  2. notthesinger June 21, 2012 at 12:25 am #

    I just randomly stumbled across your blog and I’m glad I did! I can definitely relate. We all have to set our own standard and reach some kind of stride. I think the biggest motivator for me is seeing results and realizing my body feels better and understanding what I’ve had to do to get to where I’m feeling good. If that means 4 days/ wk at the gym then I know that’s what I need to do and feel good taking the other three off. Certainly it’s different for everyone. If I eat a little worse in any given day or I’m stressed I may spend some more time on the bikes or elliptical. I think most importantly, like you said it’s about learning what’s right for you and using that to find balance 🙂

    • chirpybleu June 21, 2012 at 8:00 am #

      Thanks so much for the comment and the follow. It helps to hear from people who can relate on a any level. I am contemplating maybe doing yoga or some sort of exercise kinnect game or dvd on nights I don’t feel like pounding the pavement. It is still early and I have to figure this all out. It really helps to get out my thoughts and fears even on the blog. It is much more therapeutic than I could have imagined. Having people actually read, comment and follow makes it that much more beneficial. I really like what I have read so far on your blog and look forward to future posts! Thanks again!

      • notthesinger June 26, 2012 at 12:22 am #

        Oh wow thank you! That means a lot! I agree! It’s always nice to be able to share experiences and relate to others through doing so! Looking forward to more of yours as well! Best of luck on your journey 🙂

      • chirpybleu June 26, 2012 at 6:27 am #

        Thanks so much!

  3. David Abbott June 21, 2012 at 9:53 pm #

    I can tell you that you arent alone in what you are feeling. When I first started my fitness plan, I had unreasonable expectations of my body. I was running every day and pushing my distance as far as I could physically go. My body and mind started to burn out. I switched to cardio every other day, with free weights in between. I feel like there is a healthy bit of guilt when you don’t exercise when you should or when you eat what you shouldn’t. It keeps you honest with yourself. Keep at it, and keep looking down the road. Try not to focus on the here and now of your weight loss, think about how you’ll be doing next month, next year if you successfully reprogram your lifestyle. I enjoy reading your blog, and I’m pulling for you all the way!

    • chirpybleu June 23, 2012 at 2:43 pm #

      Thanks so much David! Your comments are always so encouraging and awesome! Keep up the good work on your end and thanks for the support!!!

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